'Get out of my way, you little s--t' - by Bill Hammer

editor's note - this article accurately portrays the mentality of the Team Juicy racer....

So, I'm visiting my parents over Thanksgiving weekend in North Carolina. There's this miniature golf place with kiddy go karts. Kinda fun to do with my son. You don't ever have to brake or even lift, but you slide pretty good at the turn at the bottom of the hill. Anyway, my son and I are out on the course and so is another father with his nine year old. Being mildly competitive from time to time, I'd gotten the owner to tell me which kart was the fastest. Naturally my son and I are going to smoke these other losers. I'm heading down the hill and I try to pass the nine year old kid as we get to the turn. He moves in before I get by (stinkin' brat!). I bump him and spin him out. His father comes over and just looks at me like I've lost my senses (which I clearly had). I said, "I thought I could get by on the inside." He just shakes his head and walks away....

--Bill Hammer

A race is a race is a race. We had to pay already way too much tribute to Juniority this past season. You did the right thing Bill. There is no such thing like inappropriate intimidaion. (BTW I tried the same thing on a kid last Friday - just he was 30 years older than yours and of course retaliated).

--Martin Birkmann

You did the right thing, but you should have also pummeled the father for
questioning your track ethics. How dare he.

--Sy Aryeh

I am sad.

I have tried all day to think of a witty response, but I have failed. However, I have laughed until I cried reading and re-reading Bill's message and the 2 responses! I have read them to people who know that I race to give them insight into the tragic reality which my life has become! I always knew I was competitive... but I (we) have taken it to a new level. It seems unanimous that we would try the pass on the 9 year old.... and not feel guilty about spinning him. I only wish we competed against 9 year olds at Skippy... seems we couldn't handle the 14 year olds! BTW... for Bill's sake, the kid Birkmann tried to pass was ME. Like your 9 year old victim, I am still pissed... but not to worry, there is always next time.

--Michael Auriemma